the holder of my heart.

My daughter left to Costa Rica with her father today. It was super hard. Super. I have honestly never gone a single night without her. So this....this....is gut wrenching. If I were in a movie, I'm sure you'd all be crying at this point. Yup I get that 22 days is a blimp on the screen and yes I understand that she's not dead...BUT there's more to this than you think and actually I'm sure all of you first time mommies can simply understand.

I have been mom for a about a year and a half (including tummy time). And THAT is all I know to be now. I gave up everything else. The moment that I knew of her existence, everything changed and I put my identity into being a mother. So now that she's not here, WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH MYSELF? I'm sorry, but seriously. I feel lost. I see an empty crib, high chair, no clothes pulled out all over the floor. What am I supposed to do with myself? This is hard for me!

This Saturday will be Maia's first birthday :[ I wish I could kiss her on that special day. September 11...changed my life. We did get to celebrate it this past Saturday. It was such a beautiful day. I'll be posting more pictures. It was such a precious day. And I was fighting so many emotions. She has grown to be such an outstanding little girl. So here it is...

1 Year Mile Stones:
-First Real Smile (1.5 months old)
-First Laugh (3 months)
-First time sitting up (3.5 months)
-"momma" (4 months)
-Actually interaction with toys (4 months)
-Rolling over (4 months)
-"papa" (5 months)
-Waving bye-bye (6-7 months)
-Crawling (7 months)
-Standing (8 months)
-First 2 Teeth (10 months - July 4th & 8th)
-First Steps (10.5 months)
-"Doggy" & "Isaac" & "hey" & "mas" & more that I can't remember(11 months)
-Walking like a pro (11 months)



Mommy loves you with all of her heart. Be good for daddy.
xoxo,
ME