Chasing Home.

I lost my blog. Somewhere in a tangled heated mess that started when my URL expired (and then got bought by some botch company right away so that they'd con me into buying back my URL - yea, not happening. I'm not paying $1,000 for it). After many months of fearing all of my logging and updates throughout my daughter's life was gone - it's back but without the URL. Sorry. So this one will have to do for now until I figure out what I'm doing or where I'm going from here.

Since September 2012 (my last post), I think it's easy to say that a LOT has changed in our lives and my daughter is certainly much older. On September 17th, Maia and I traveled to the US to visit family. While in a gas station parking lot on October 3rd (in the middle of buying a car), I received a text from my mom asking if I had spoken to my oldest brother. I replied that I hadn't but that I just talked to his wife, Katie a few days before. My reply back was met in a phone call. My mom was very quiet on the other end and immediately I knew that something had happened, I just didn't know if it was my brother or his wife or both. She then slowly began to talk by saying, "I'm really sorry that I have to give you this news...but....Katie has leukemia...." - Instantly I felt panic, then an overwhelming sickness in my stomach, followed by tears and sobbing. She went on to say that they just found out that day and that she'd begin treatment after her birthday. That she had a for that was very curable and that Katie had the lowest risks. I felt a little at ease but my heart was still wrenching. I hung up, finished buying our car, and then texted Katie letting her know how strong she is and that I love her dearly. Being the VERY optimistic person she is she let me know it was nothing and that she was going to kick this year's ass and that it'd be her best year yet.

On October 8th I was at my parents house in a deep discussion. It was about 10 pm and my younger brother, Jason, kept calling. I had no talk time left on my phone so I texted him saying that I didn't have talk time and that it was late. He started begging me to answer the phone. Then I got texts from my mom, Patricia (best friend/sister in law) and brothers (Tyler and Jason) saying they loved me and that I needed to answer the phone. I freaked out and texted back "what the heck is going on? Why is everyone telling me they love me and what's so important that I answer my phone, I DON'T HAVE TALK TIME??" - Patricia texted back... "I'm so sorry to tell you, Katie died". I don't remember what happened next. It was a blur. I remember looking at my dad and saying "Katie's dead" and my father and step mother looking back at me without speaking but asking "how?" with their facial expressions. HOW. That was everyone's question. Her doctor was devastated. My oldest brother, the toughest man I know, was crumpled somewhere on hospital floor in Washington. My family with no words to say. HOW.

Katie had her first chemo treatment that night. Something went terribly wrong. She had an allergic reaction and her heart rate dropped. An hour later, she passed. I don't think anyone could prepare for the devastation of losing a loved one like that - but Katie - the most selfless, happiest, beautiful woman I have EVER met? HOW. WHY. October was a HARD month, and as much as it KILLS me to say this, I'm so glad I was in the US when this happened because I was able to go to her funeral and get a little bit of closure. I stayed in MO to photograph my nephew's birth on November 18th and cried when the nurse that practically delivered him was a spitting image of Katie. I won't ever understand her death or why she was taken at such a young age, but I HAVE to believe that God is good and that his plan is always good.

Maia and I went back to Costa Rica in December. I did mention we bought a car for when we are in and eventually move to the US - it's a royal blue Mazda 3i. I love it. I nicknamed it Elijah Blue. It's just stuck. It's pulling us 40 MPG right now and I'm so thankful.

Jose finished college and only has his thesis left to present. Maia is talking like a champ. Like REALLY talking. She speaks fluently and with ease in Spanish and English. What's more brilliant about a bilingual toddler is watching and witnessing her smarts in the fact that she knows who to speak to in Spanish and who to speak to in English. When we speak to her or ask her a wuestion in Spanish she responds in Spanish...if 2 seconds later we say something in English, she responds in English *MIND BLOWN*. She's 3 years old. This has to tangle the minds of grown adults - not just us right? I'm biased, sure, but this is awesome!!

I'm currently in my own battle of depression and an eating disorder, but I crave to be better and I know this is just a bump. Days are HARD. And my anxiety is THROUGH the roof sometimes, but we need the bad days sometimes to remind us how good and appealing those "normal" days are. I firmly believe that God will use this as my ministry and I'm holding tight to the promise that I will learn to love and see myself the way that he does. I'm learning. I don't have it all right, but darn it, I'm learning!

You probably noticed that we changed the title from shutter-mama to "chasing home" - I found it fitting for our upcoming adventures. Love you guys, feel free to write and pray for us as we start our transition into the US for GOOD! Man it's been too long!

Love,
Sonya the Shutter-Mama

As the clock hit 11:17 pm last night, I was overwhelmed with emotion. September 11th, is already a difficult day to swallow. Knowing the tragedy and loss that happened on one day is a lot to think about. And each year, we're reminded to pray and think of the families who now live on without their loved ones.  But 3 years ago - on the same date I was blessed with my own miracle. And as awesome as it is that my daughter is alive, thriving and growing - I often feel guilty for celebrating life when so many are still mourning death.

My daughter is now 3. I remember being 9 months pregnant with Maia and wondering what she would be like. I remember always picturing her around 2-3 years because that's when little girls start to really become....GIRLS. Princesses, babies, long hair, dresses, high heels, makeup, mommy obsession, etc. Maia proudly entered the stage with a love for all of those things and more. She's her daddy's world - a sweet skateboard riding, high heel wearing, baby loving, ballet obsessing, wall/body/bed coloring 3 year old. 

Her hair is half way down her back and is stubbornly straight. Her bright eyes tell thousands of stories. She speaks fluently in 3 languages Spanish, English, and Spanglish. She walks with purpose. She screams when she doesn't understand....she's figuring out her emotions. She memorizes every song she hears that makes her dance. She is an animal lover - and I think when she realizes chicken is an animal, we may have a little vegetarian on our hands. She's allergic to everything...or so it feels. Creams and lotions mostly and of course sun block except for ONE kind so far. She hates sweets and prefers salty. She does prefer chocolate milk as her drink of choice tho. She loves Dora, The Bubble Guppies, The Wonder Pets, and Umizoomi (shoot me if I spelled these wrong). And she has a best friend already. No joke.

3 years has passed too quickly for me. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. If I could change anything about these past 3 years it would be to learn to log off the internet and put the phone away and take more pictures. Moments that I missed are ones I can never get back.

I love you my beautiful dancing princess. Happy 3rd Birthday, you're not a tiny baby anymore! I'm excited for another year and the opportunity to know you better. You're my sunshine :D

Vacation, Earthquake, Birthday, US

 I came to the blog wanting to write...anything, mostly something small...I have a feeling after entering my title - that it might be a novel. Things have been BUSY. We went on vacation this last weekend. It was beautiful and I'd love to write about it but I'm saving it for the next post. HA! We started in Punta Leona and ended at the Hilton Double Tree Resort. Oh My GOSH. My daughter is a fish. She lives and thrives in the water. We have a pool at our house but the heater is broken and it's rainy season...soooo without a heater we'd freeze a little. Anyways...I'd go back in a heartbeat - I really miss it. BADLY. Hahaha.

And thennnnn we get home and I of course am sick. Headaches pounding like crazy and my throat on fire feeling like someone took sandpaper to it. I have just felt like crap. I think it's due to us spending time outside in the INSANE heat and then going into a cold air conditioned freezing room soaking wet. Because you know, in hotels - you turn the stupid thing on low and it still feels like the tundra but without, you're sweating a storm all up in those uncomfortable places. But yea, so I started out sick and today Jose and Maia caught up with me. It totally blows.

So thennnn this morning after Maia is taken to school and Jose leaves for work I was just laying in bed, resting, trying to sleep off the headache and sore throat. As soon as I was comfortable again and the house had a nice quiet buzz...the bed starts to rock. At first, I thought it was Jose at the bottom getting his shoes on (as I am normally paranoid of earthquakes because they happen often and it's just him usually at the bottom making movement) but then I remembered that they left. So I sat for a few seconds and the rocking and shaking got worse. I could hear the windows shifting and the bed hitting the wall...because of all the false earthquake alarms I had created in my head I had come up with a plan that if ever we were in a big one that I'd go under the bed, because they don't collapse. So I did that. Got out flew under our bed and started bawling. I was MORTIFIED. I was begging God to make it stop. Then I heard the panic in Jose's mom's voice as she came barreling through the house in her realization that her, Jose's dad and Blanca (our maid) were all outside except me...who was trembling under the bed. They found me curled in a ball - sobbing. 

The rocking and shaking stopped and we went outside...our pool spewed water ... a few things were out of place but all was well. In my head I was like..hm..maybe it wasn't as bad as it felt. I mean, nothing is seriously damaged... Welp, it was a 7.6 - I say this with all the heart I have in these words...God is watching over this country. I don't know or understand how an earthquake with the magnitude of an 7 can wipe out almost a whole country, yet ours seemed barely damaged and the death count was low. I realize that the mountains absorbed a lot of the shock and that these houses are made with earthquakes in mind - but we went nearly UNTOUCHED with a 7.6 earthquake. AND THEN, the tsunami alerts start pouring in and as fast as they come in - people band together to pray for this country/for my family...people who I don't even know and the tsunami alerts and warnings are canceled. Just gone. WITH A 7.6 EARTHQUAKE and the epicenter just a few miles off of our coast!!! I am just totally in shock. God is GOOD.GREAT.AWESOME and ALMIGHTY, ALL THE TIME! Can't you see it?

So BAM. Yes. I survived another earthquake. Anddddd this weekend we have Maia's party. I'm gonna cry. I feel it already. The lump in my throat swelling. I just ugh...I love being a mom!! So ballet theme with a bunch of girls...ohhhhhh I'm stoked and maybe stressed with all the work to come in the next 3-4 days.

And then a week after we celebrate Maia's 3rd birthday, we are off to the US. At first, I was excited, then stressed, now I kinda don't want to go - but yet I do...lots of emotions. It's been over a year. I was supposed to have been there LONGGG ago and things got delayed and now that the big picture is in place I understand...it's just hectic and crazy and a mess and I'm nervous. Really nervous. But I'm excited to see my family, welcome and photograph the birth of my nephew, go to Panera...etc. Mmmm pray for us! If you're still reading this long rant post...hahaha I'm done now and sorry for the waste of time or whatever have you :P

Sonya

Toddler Tuesday: Oops, I've been gone farrr too long!!!

I did NOT realize how long it has been that I haven't blogged. BIG oops. I think life here has been nothing short of "flyin fast and super busy". The next 3 weeks/weekends are completely filled and while this excites me, I feel a tad stressed thinking about it? Hahaha!

Maia turns 3 on September 11 and we're celebrating with a giant "ballet bash". Maia's number one love right now in her life is dancing. Ballet is all she talks about...and she TALKS ALL THE TIME. So we decided, why not a ballet themed party with her best friends from school!? Yeah, yeaaaa! Wayyy in over my head ahahahaha I feel like even tho everything is finally ordered and on it's way, I'm nowhere near prepared! hahahaha. I have a lot to do! I can't wait to share pictures when it's all said and done. 

Maia's just hit this really neat stage in her life. She learned that she can pull pranks and say hilarious things and 99% of the time will get a positive reaction. Her goal in life is to make people laugh and she SOAKS IT UP. This girl is HILARIOUS. I was not sure what to expect going into the third year, but so far, I love it! She's so smart. She knows whom to speak in Spanish with and whom to speak in English...and whom she can get away with speaking Spanglish hahahaha. TRUE STORY. With Jose and I, it's Spanglish. With Jose's family, mostly siblings, it's all Spanish. And English with mine.

People often ask if she's fluent and speaks both perfect...my answer is YOU HAVE NO IDEA. She not only executes words and phrases without blinking - but she understands literally everything in both languages. That is absolutely INCREDIBLE!!! I am blown away...and not because I thought she wouldn't be able to do it, but because it really is a lot to learn and understand. But I've researched and read lots of articles and this age is prime for learning languages. Her brain works in ways that most toddlers won't be able to for a while now because of language. The idea is that when young children know and speak more than one language they gain a sense of perspective in all areas of thinking and learning that most adults don't even - because their minds have been opened up to more than just one way of doing something. That's awesome. Really awesome!

Maia's excelling in ballet lessons. Her teacher took the time to pull me aside and request Maia start privates and multiples because she just catches on so quick and she doesn't just dance because we put her there, she does it because she LOVES it. Recently I took her in 15 minutes early and we got to the academy and there was a group of 3 women doing a lyrical/modern piece. Maia was captivated. After the women left and Maia's class went in, the entire time Maia was trying to mimic and move the way she saw the women dancing. I love watching her dance.

I think that the toughest thing for us at the moment is the apparent change in attitude. She has gotten so used to people understanding her and talking to her, that the second someone doesn't understand, she goes from 0 to 60. She gets upset and her voice gets louder and more offensive. I'm not going to lie, it's really hard not to lose our cool. But once again nothing is ever solved with screaming and anger...so we just try our hardest to keep our voices softer than hers and have understanding in our tones and eyes. I know that what she's experiencing and feeling is all she knows. It's her biggest problem at the moment. I know this too shall pass and at some point down the road when she's 15, I might miss these small outbursts and tantrums.

Aside from dance you can probably find Maia singing - she hears a song she likes and by the end has picked up the chorus. Jose was blown away at first...his response was "I didn't sing to songs until I was 8!" hahahahaha. She's a smart cookie with an AWESOME memory. She loves the "Byebo Sawng" (Bible Song). She loves Owl City & CRJ "Goot Time" (Good Time). She loves Bethany Dillon's "lalejuha" (Hallelujah). The list goes on and on. I love her so much.

Give her the opportunity and she'll teach you how to plie, color, laugh, dance, jump...she's truly incredible and I'm anxious to see the rest of 3! 

And don't get me started on popcorn and movies hahahahahaha. It's all day, everyday - that she wants "popcone and a noovy" (popcorn and a movie). Makes me giggle each time.

Or...to go to the "pay" (play). Here in Costa Rica we have to take her to a McDonalds or Burger King or these special play areas in the mall - because anything outside is just too dangerous and very dirty. It's a shame, but we're used to it. In a few weeks she'll experience playgrounds in the US...haha I'm excited! Sounds lame but you have no idea :P

I'm sorry for my absence, I had no intentions. Between planning a birthday, move, visits, cars, the beach, a business and working out...I'm wiped!! Thanks for stopping by and reading - I can't wait to catchup with your lives!! <3 br="br">Sonya