4 Months Old.

Maia is 4 months now! I love having her, she's the brightest part of everyday. Some big milestones have been that we pierced her ears and....shaved her head. YES! Shaved her head. She had a few funny bald spots and after much coaxing from Jose's dad and looking at her weird baldy-ness, I decided, what the heck! Let's just do it. So this last Friday mornng...we bzzzzzzzd her hair off. Of course, I saved it tho :]

She has also taken it upon herself to surprise mommy and papi by sitting all on her own, just out of the blue!!! She looks like such a big girl and she will coo back to you when you talk, or smile and potentially laugh every now and then. Although we've been hearing a lot more giggles from the little princess lately! Definitely has the power to make anyone's day better.

Costa Rica is BEAUTIFUL!!! I've gotten to meet most of Jose's family now, except sadly, his sister Carolina. But one day, we'll meet, and her little blessing and Maia will be very close in age as well, so that'll be exciting :]

Lately I've been a huge bag of emotions. Just carrying my heart on my sleeve, and unfortunately for Jose, he hears about it...I feel badly. Having a child is a huge responsibility. It makes you grow up VERY fast. You're no longer focusing on taking care of yourself but another HUMAN being who is completely dependent on you. THAT, my friends, is a HUGE responsibility. One that no one could EVER prepare for. You could have all the money and all the things, but who knows, you may never be able to emotionally or socially help them grow...there's a lot more than meets the eye. So here I sit, everyday, deciding the next huge decision for not only my life, but Maia's and Jose's, and that's my future. I have to do something but at the same time we have to correlate Jose seeing Maia grow up as he finishes school. How I'm going to work and pay for college, and so much more, and it just grows on me. This huge burden. I want to be the best for Maia. I want to make her proud of me. Soooooooo it's been a long, hard few months with some Gi-normous decisions ahead. But it will be very WORTH it. I love her with all of my heart.

On with another subject....for those of you that have had a child and feel completely comfortable in your skin afterwards, KUDOS. But me, nooooo. I feel so ugly. It's actually affected me socially. I've become very introverted and simply going out to places or visiting with Jose's friends and their GF's...I can't do. I become physically ill to my stomach. Sooo My birthday from tomorrow is in 33 days. So I decided that I'll do 33 days of pilates until my birthday, including 10 correct push ups a day. So that I can fully enjoy my 21st birthday and not have to worry about people looking at me and feeling disgusted with myself. On that, I'll blog everyday so that I can't forget. :]

Always....

ME