It seems like the older we get, the more that we have to shape our rules & beliefs so that Maia has a secure home. I'm not sure if I even worded that right but here goes nothing.
In my head, I have a very clear idea of discipline/rules. However, once in a situation that's "iffy" - I find myself giving in or second guessing. But lately, I've really tried to stick to my guns. Fits, throwing, hitting, and sassing to other people or objects DO NOT get rewarded with play time or giving in to what she wants. And I say it like it's SO obvious but sometimes I get SO caught up in the moment of my child screaming in the restaurant and her grand parents staring at me like I'm the mean school teacher that I just give in without even noticing it until the moment is LONG gone and the day is behind.
And it's really freaking frustrating!! Disciplining your child is not fun. I now understand that my parents must have absolutely cried when they listened to us rage at them for disciplining us. How in their hearts they wanted to save the day. But discipline is key. It's crucial for a child to have boundaries. To know that they're a child and not a parent - they don't get to make the rules. And that there are those boundaries for a very important reason!!! Because they don't always understand WHY it is that they can't do something.
So in the past week, I've really tried to watch the situation - take note at what Maia wants and how she's going about getting what she wants. And if that includes a tantrum, screaming, hitting or spitting - than there's a timeout. There's no reward of getting what she wants. But instead coming back 5-10 minutes after the initial act and teaching her how to ask correctly and then if she follows giving it to her or explaining softly why she can't have/or do what she wants if it's dangerous.
I'm not a mean mom - I'm not by any means unreasonable in discipline. I understand my role as a parent and that means setting rules, boundaries and then discipline if it's needed.
So why am I talking about this!? Ahhh...because there's been some questionable stuff surfacing on the internet regarding this subject that has brought on a lot of controversy and taking sides and what not. In no means do I consider myself an expert but I think that as parents we know when we're taking things too far. At the end of the day, we love our children dearly. I do not want my child to not do something because she fears my wrath. I want her to choose to not make poor decisions because she knows in her heart that they're wrong choices and why. Does that make any sense?
Note: Video has harsh language. Please don't watch in front of children.
^I'm sure you've seen this video by now, probably on my facebook, if you have my personal facebook account added as a friend. Um, at first - I was like, "GO Dad!". But then someone had made an interesting comment on my post about it:
"I'm afraid I don't agree. I watched the video and found it rather disturbing. I don't think this is a way to act to raise an emotionally healthy adult. I believe its an extreme overreaction, and will only lead to resentment by his daughter...or worse. Kids, even little rotten teenagers, do not deserve to be publicly humiliated (this video now has 15 MILLION views) That's MILLIONS of people talking about what a terrible spoiled brat she is (not to mention much worse...) As far as the bullets (NINE) through the laptop, I found it to be a bit psychotic. Watching a grown man unload a full chambered handgun into an intimate object really chilled me. I think this father, was...well intentioned...to a point. I agree kids need to respect their parents, learn the value of a dollar, and not make stupid ass comments on facebook. However, I feel that this video is not instilling ANY respect in an already aggravated teenager. Its only breeding contempt, fear, hate, and irrational behavior. By the way, let's face it...didn't most of us write or say things as a teenager that in hindsight we regret? How would we feel if our parents not only destroyed our things, but made us social pariahs?"
I still think that the father did well by taking care of the computer problem. I have to agree that maybe making a video probably wasn't a great idea. Because even if it was to make a point about the whole social networking - bash your family thing. This has hit a lot of people and there's now millions of comments hating on HIS daughter or him. Which he probably had no intention of doing. Because he still loves her, clearly. He reacted out of hurt. I'm sure that if my daughter ever wrote anything like that about me, I'd be asbolutely heart broken. So while I agree with everything the father said and if he wanted to end the computer (so be it, my dad probably would have done similar...maybe not shoot it, but I'd NEVER see it again) - then kudos, dude. Do what you think is right. But perhaps he took it too far making a video for the whole world to see AND comment on? Because even if he realizes it went too far - it's at a point where taking the video down from his site doesn't make it non-exsistant...it's now everywhere and on numerous channels.
What are your thoughts?
5 comments:
I am not quite sure what to think. I think I would be mortified if my parents did something like that to me, but I never really acted out like that girl did. It sure is tough to know what to do! I think it is awesome that you are trying to discipline your daughter. It drives me crazy when parents are friends to their children instead of a parent (experiences from when I taught).
I am sure everyone has their own opinion on this guy and his rotten little daughter.
But first I will tell you that I agree about discipline b/c there is nothing worse than a child with no rules or boundaries and no discipline. Thats just my opinion, so you are doing a great job with Maia!! :) Way to go MAma!
As for this guy, I feel he is right on. THe gun thing was a bit creepy but other than that. If what he is saying is true about his daughter, then amen. Kids of that generation feel the world owes them everything. THey feel entitled and like they do not need to work or do anything - and should be handed everything in life. No sorry.
I think he should force this girl to go get a job and pay for everything in her life. Make her realize how hard you need to work for a hundred bucks or how hard you need to work to buy that Iphone. Let her move out on her own, and she will make an about face on her feelings once she realizes what being an adult with responsibilities is.
That is just my opinion without knowing much more. I am sure everyone has their own personal feeling with this.
I pray to god my daughter does not turn into that monster he has.
I did see this floating around on Facebook but never cared to watch it, until now.
The whole situation just leaves me speechless. I don't know what to think about it all.
Every parent has their own way to discipline their child. I agree with a lot of what he had to say but felt the video was a little too over the top but maybe he just REALLY wanted to get his daughter to see the point of discipline, or why parents put chores in place and ask for them to get a job. You can't expect everyone to do everything for you and money doesn't grow on trees. His daughter must have been a huge snot for him to go this far or maybe he was hoping she would finally see the point, who knows if she did though.
His daughter needs to grow up
You're doing a great job with Maia. Don't every question that!!!
I agree with him in everything he did but making a youtube about it. I mean come on that wasn't really wasn't necessary but, kids these days are out of control and i would for sure have done the same thing.. I would have even video taped it. Then showed my child but, i would never post it on youtube. Thats too much for me.
and i totally get you on discipline. It's very stressful at times but, it's well worth it!
Discipline is a must and you are doing well.
I don't have too much to say about what this father did. The only thing that kind of bothers me is that is spun out of control as far as viewer numbers. I think he was just a bit too naive about how many people would actually see the video. I'm sure he just intended for it to be her friends. I don't even have a problem with him shooting the laptop. To those that do, I'm curious if they would have been disturbed if he had smashed it on the ground? It's the same thing. My guess is that they are just creeped out by guns in general.
I think this father was right on. I only hope that he did explain to his daughter that he still loves her.
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