So yesterday I got an email from my sister in law informing me that I can no longer see or have contact with my nephews because "absolutely no one" on their father's side gives them birthday or Christmas gifts. We don't call. And I was in the US for 3 months and "never" attempted to visit but got to see "all" of my friends.
I had kindly responded that I didn't have a car nor the funds to travel to visit them (I only went to the places I did because my travels were funded by my photography or my parents desire to see Me and Maia). And that I have sent them gifts as well as diapers and pull ups. And that I knew that my father (their grandpa) sends them gifts for all occasions. I also stated that I did beg to use my mom's car, but there was just no way. So I kindly suggested for her to stop pointing fingers and assuming we don't care nor try.
To all of this she responded that her sister drives there to see the boys and the boys know and love her but they don't know any of their father's side.
I once again told her I didn't have the funds nor time.
With that being said, she said that her sister had a job and no kids...and that any good mother would have a job. That moving to Costa Rica was just an excuse and that I'm not a good mother.
I responded and in the deepest part of my heart, I was REALLY hurt. I was once told that you should never respond out of anger because you will more than likely say something you regret. And I did. I said really mean things because I was extremely hurt. I got off the computer in complete tears. Just sobbing. Because I have never felt SO low. Someone who can not even put their feet in our situation had just totally judged what they saw from the outside and accused me of not being a good mother and just riding on other people to live.
I let her get the best of me and I sobbed. Jose finally sat me down and said, "You do this because you don't want Maia to live without me. When you'd rather be in the US, you're here. This isn't easy for you, and I know that. Thank you."
I went to bed feeling better and I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed hard that God would forgive me for responding to her in anger.
I woke up this morning, without regret. I know that I do my best. I know that if I had the chance to see those boys - I'd do it in a heartbeat. I also know that I'm a really good mom. And that I don't make brash decisions to spend money I don't have to travel 8 hours on limited time to a place where no one considers me their family. If they can't accept that, I'm not sorry. Because I do what I can with what I have.
I have never once taken my opportunities for granted. I live within my means. I get to watch my daughter grow up from home right now and that's a gift I could never thank God enough for.
My only sincerest apology goes for not calling when I could have and speaking to my Sister in law in a moment of anger. For saying some of the awful things I said. I truly repent.
Today I found a verse -
18 comments:
(from Christa's blog hop) Wow! I am so sorry you are having to go through this. What a tough situation. I will pray that God opens your sister in law's heart to see the truth and that you've done all you could!
Hi, thanks for the lovely comment on my blog. I came to post a hello and have decided to stay. New follower!
www.thecurlycues.com
And this is why I'm drawn to you. I had a similar situation with my in laws, but this time I was the one with the kiddo who in the end had to say "no more", but in the process I responded in anger and now have emails I wish I didn't write. But I've repented, asked for forgiveness and can now live in a PEACE because I've tried to make it right.
But like you said, life is hard. People want and use more from us than what we give and give with a pure heart. I so applaud you for allowing Maia the chance to know, grow up with, and be raised by her daddy! I don't know your whole story, but what I do know of, I respect and love!
That.....is extremely messed up! WOW! We are a military family, so we always run into this kinda problem. It's so annoying! Extra drama that you really don't need in your life, for something so shallow! I love your attitude though, how you seem to be handling it. Being at peace is the most important thing for a person, I believe, more important than pleasing the world. Im hoping for the best for the future! Hoping they open their freakin eyes!
I think the only thing you an do at this point is pray for them. Family stuff like this is always tough.
wow -- really tough situation. hopefully things will simmer down and your SIL takes her sons into consideration. no matter what we may think of people in our family -- denying our children to know them is far worse. her opinions do not change the fact that you are their aunt and so obviously love them!
thanks for the follow – happily returning the bloggy l♥ve!
♥cyn♥
misadventures of a chunky goddess
man, thats messed up. im sorry that you are having to deal with all that...that is just wrong. in-laws...you got to love em...good grief.
hang in there it will all work out
brian
Also from the hop at Christa's blog...
woah, that's horrible :( I'm so sorry, nothing stings more than being told you can't be a part of someones life when you care about them.
I hope your SIL smartens up because that is just not fair for you or the boys :(
I'm so sorry you're going through that right now. In time, it will pass. I know how you're feeling, though. I'm going through a similar situation with my sister. Chin up!! You're a fantastic mama. Maia is so lucky.
Stopping by from the blog hop! Your daughter is adorable. My two year old would have loved her 2yr. old bash!
(p.s. I have a crazy mother in law, that reminds me of your sister in law)!
All your sister in law is doing is hurting her kids. She thinks she's protecting them, but is really only robbing them of having any relationship at all, no matter how limited, with an aunt that cares about them. I will be praying for you and your family!
people are so quick to judge and comment on parenting, without understanding how hard it is, how hard we work at it, and how much it means to us! you can tell even through you're blog how much you truly love your daughter and care for her. what you do for your fam is your business, not ur in laws. you're a great person sonya. keep your head up =] drop me a line when you have time, on my email, i miss talkin 2 ya girlie!!
Oh girly, that's harsh! I'm so sorry you had to put up with all that drama and get so hurt in the process. However, I'm so glad that you know you're a good mom and that you have peace with who and where you're at.
I hope that overtime you'll be able to have a relationship with your nephews and that all this will be a thing of the past :-) Hugs
That is awful I can't imagine dealing with that. It is so great that you are having a good attitude about it and that you feel at peace!!
www.theredclosetdiary.com
Awwww, sweetie. I am so sorry that someone made you feel that way! You are a beautiful, wonderful person, and you are an amazing mother for doing what you are doing (living in Costa Rica so that Maia can be with her dad and you together). Don't ever ever think less of yourself! If people can't see your insane kindness, they are absolutely blind (even your own sister in law)!
{big hugs!}
♥ Kyna
I'm sorry that you have to go through that. You undoubtedly a GREAT mom and anyone who thinks otherwise clearly doesn't see your heart. I can see it from thousands of miles away.
I'm so sorry this has happened. My future sister in law is sort of like this. She told my mother in law she feels uncomfortable around me. I've only met her ONCE! She has a son too and I would have loved to let her boy and my girl play together as cousins!
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. My stepsisters have recently told me that I am never allowed around them or my nieces and nephew because I didn't agree with the fact that their mother was cheating on my dad. I was told that I was a terrible daughter for not sending cards or gifts (Sorry that at the time I could barely afford diapers and wipes with my fiance being out of work and being a SAHM) and was told that I'm just living off of people because of being a SAHM. I just learned that family isn't something you born into. It's the people in your life that are always there for you no matter what. I don't regret my choice to be a SAHM or to live over 18hrs away from my dad and them. I love my family and my life and that's enough for me :).
-Karen
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