thundering thursday

Today it rained all day. I lOvEd every second of it. I enjoy rain to such an extent. If only I had a good book to read...seriously, like you don't even know. And who wants to hide away behind a computer screen or in front of a TV when it's raining beautifully? Not me. BUT that's all I can really do here while Jose attends school. So as you can imagine, I got a little stir crazy and a bit upset which led to a blowout, much bigger than it should have been. Humph. Sometimes I need to stop my mouth from running when I don't know what I really want in the first place. All I really want...is a good book to read. One that I can laugh and cry to. I'm an avid reader so when I'm introduced to an environment where reading isn't really anyone's hobby well I get...frustrated. Blah.

Maia has become quite the little terror the past few days. My oh my! Has she gotten spoiled to death, and worse, she's gotten used to it. Which led to a fit yesterday that last much to long because no one would pick her up (note: the pic above). I had to hold myself back from picking her up. And poor Jose...had big watery eyes...looked at me and said, "how much longer?". So she got saved by daddy. It was hard to let her cry though. Very hard. It's even more rough when his sister is sitting there watching...exclaiming how her heart is breaking, not really helping the situation. Sometimes I feel she believes she can do this parenting thing better than me. I don't know how to "react" or actually "respond" to those situations. Hummmph. So I just keep my mouth tightly shut before I echo out words that would probably hurt and make the situation into more than just an uncomfortable moment. Maia doesn't need that around her.

I don't know. Just been a rough journey. Rocky, but definitely worth it. I love being with Jose. I think he's an amazing father and friend. I complain about the lack of friends but he's been a great friend in the times that I need one. And appropriately a father and boyfriend in those times too. I have a wonderful wonderful man taking care of us lady-loos. I love him alot.

Anyways I'm gonna head to bed

Love,

ME